Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
