i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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