so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
