Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize