At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
