Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my phone needs a breathalizer
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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