Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
