It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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