Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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