I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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