if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
