You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
