I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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