I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Two words: blizzard sex
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
