Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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