Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
