i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
