It's like a parade of train wrecks.
they need to just BURY HIM!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
