He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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