OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So. Much. Porn.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
