I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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