No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
