She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
