Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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