If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
