I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
