i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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