I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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