carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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