The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
