You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
