Someone shit on the floor
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
