D3 body, D1 cock
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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