i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
