I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
