I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
