I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
