wrigley field is MILF paradise
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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