The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
