I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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