the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize