Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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