I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
