i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
