God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
