turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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