Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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