3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
