So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
