Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
