I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
