I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
