If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My Higher Power is John Stamos
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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