I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My cat gives me a boner
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
