new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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