we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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