Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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