I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
