i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
