hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize