sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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