So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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