I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
