theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he shaved USA in his pubs
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
