Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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