She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The best revenge is premature balding
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
