I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
