You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
