There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
