Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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